I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We left the knife in your bed.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
