That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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