Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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