i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize