i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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