It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Holy sore nipples Batman
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
