I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
