i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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