then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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