i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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