I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
