Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
do herpes really smell.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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