there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
