He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
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