If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
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