He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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