My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
