She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize