Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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