After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
