we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
