she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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