Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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