the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
being pregnant is like rehab
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
