i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
