a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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