I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I fill condoms, not promises.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
