I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
