He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
