Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I could fuck to npr.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
