Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
