I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize