i don't like sucking hair
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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