i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
