Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize