im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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