i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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