Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
