I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
