So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
