Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
