I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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