Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he was CRYING into my vagina
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
