So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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