I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
