i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
