Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
