All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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