dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
