hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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