You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
