I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
