I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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