I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We had sex on a dog bed..
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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