I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
