Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
