i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
