Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
