The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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