I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
