Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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