I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
