I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I need a beard to bite.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
