Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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