I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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