There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I got inside last night via doggy door
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
