theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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