Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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