using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
this will be a night to untag.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
