He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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