People with herpes should wear stickers.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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