My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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