i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
